This week, I had a regrettable experience with a short-term client. There was a disagreement about whether the work I performed merited getting paid. My ultimate response was to tell the client that while I thought their non-payment was incorrect, I wasn't going to pursue the matter.
I've always been more of a walk-away person than a confront-and-fight person (unless it's an outrageous offense). Business-wise, money just isn't worth driving up my blood pressure and hearing hurtful things angry people say. Personally, I'd rather just try to forget a former friend than beat the dead horse that is trying to get over their disappointing behavior or action.
I have walked away from deadbeat clients before, as well as a slumlord who fraudulently kept a security deposit, an employer who stalked and stole from me, and most recently, a couple of friends.
With regard to friends, it has been difficult to "cut the cord," but I am proud to have cordoned off less of a "BS DMZ" (bullshit demilitarized zone) and to have honed my circle of friends to people who are reliable, trustworthy, honest, and reciprocal.
In my twenties, I didn't mind if a friendship was mostly one-sided, with me doing the overwhelming bulk of pursuing, nagging, planning, and inviting or serving as a sisterly caretaker to friends (always) in need. Now that I've crossed the threshold into my 30s and actually have (few) problems of my own, I find superficial acquaintance boring and self-centeredness repellent, so I look for friends who can offer real support--honesty, advice, companionship--in exchange for mine. I am mostly a loner/introvert/homebody, more comfortable writing letters than chatting on the phone, but I'm always available to any friend in the case of emergency--or out-of-the-blue whim (Krispy Kreme and bowling, anyone?).
So, even though the doorbell and phone ring less often, and personal emails are less frequent, now I treasure real communication from people who actually care about me, my work, my health, and my life--instead of just hoping I'll join their fucking Facebook fan page. I don't have to worry anymore that my latest (thoughtful and well-crafted and time-consuming!) attempt at friendly inquiry, email, call, or other sign of support has been met with an impersonal "me-me-me" update that forgets to ask me how my biopsy went or to acknowledge that it's my birthday... or worse even, CCs me along with fifty other people and doesn't even take the time to personalize the greeting.
Getting rid of this human clutter paves the way for deeper connections with the people who do matter... including myself.
[I mean, have you ever been to small claims court? It's not very complicated, but it's kind of a waste of a day. You have to get dressed up to go to the courthouse, where you're felt up by security, then corralled in the most non-stimulating room known to man, then rustled into a courtroom where a clerk takes roll call and it's revealed that 90% of the people who should be there... aren't. Present parties get default judgments, which is a lot more anticlimactic than you'd imagine from watching television law shows (including Judge Judy).]
I've always been more of a walk-away person than a confront-and-fight person (unless it's an outrageous offense). Business-wise, money just isn't worth driving up my blood pressure and hearing hurtful things angry people say. Personally, I'd rather just try to forget a former friend than beat the dead horse that is trying to get over their disappointing behavior or action.
I have walked away from deadbeat clients before, as well as a slumlord who fraudulently kept a security deposit, an employer who stalked and stole from me, and most recently, a couple of friends.
With regard to friends, it has been difficult to "cut the cord," but I am proud to have cordoned off less of a "BS DMZ" (bullshit demilitarized zone) and to have honed my circle of friends to people who are reliable, trustworthy, honest, and reciprocal.
In my twenties, I didn't mind if a friendship was mostly one-sided, with me doing the overwhelming bulk of pursuing, nagging, planning, and inviting or serving as a sisterly caretaker to friends (always) in need. Now that I've crossed the threshold into my 30s and actually have (few) problems of my own, I find superficial acquaintance boring and self-centeredness repellent, so I look for friends who can offer real support--honesty, advice, companionship--in exchange for mine. I am mostly a loner/introvert/homebody, more comfortable writing letters than chatting on the phone, but I'm always available to any friend in the case of emergency--or out-of-the-blue whim (Krispy Kreme and bowling, anyone?).
So, even though the doorbell and phone ring less often, and personal emails are less frequent, now I treasure real communication from people who actually care about me, my work, my health, and my life--instead of just hoping I'll join their fucking Facebook fan page. I don't have to worry anymore that my latest (thoughtful and well-crafted and time-consuming!) attempt at friendly inquiry, email, call, or other sign of support has been met with an impersonal "me-me-me" update that forgets to ask me how my biopsy went or to acknowledge that it's my birthday... or worse even, CCs me along with fifty other people and doesn't even take the time to personalize the greeting.
Getting rid of this human clutter paves the way for deeper connections with the people who do matter... including myself.
